A Letter to Miles.

For the last 5.5 years I’ve not known a life without you by my side. Army crawls to snuggle in the early mornings where you’d let me spoon you for hours. Playing hide and seek with you in parks. Nestled right under our feet at every dinner date or cocktail bar. Watching you sprint through the giant open field of Hellman Hollow. Snuggled all cozy in your bed in our van or keeping watch out the sliding door to protect us. And now, my heart has a Miles shaped hole in it. I miss you terribly and watching you go is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I take solace in the fact that Zach and I were the last people you saw. You gave us one last tail wag so I have to believe you knew we were there, comforting you until the end and showering you with the same love you showered us with, always and unconditionally. 

Before you came into my life I would often claim that I wanted a dog but I wasn’t ready for that level of responsibility. Taking care of pet can create obstacles and obligations, but it didn’t take long to fall in love with you and “responsibility” never crossed my mind again. You were a gift that was placed into my life and I was the lucky one to get to take care of such a special dog. 

On our second time meeting, we drove up to Point Reyes and had a picnic on the beach. You played in the surf and rolled in the sand and tried to sneak some salami and cheese. Because that's what you did. When you saw an opportunity that would bring you joy, you took it, and I think we can all admire that. On the drive back to San Francisco, as Zach and I sang every word to August and Everything After, you stood on the center console and stared down into my lap. As if you were asking permission to crawl on up into the passenger seat that had always been yours. As if you were suggesting that we share instead. That you preferred sharing your seat rather. And from that point on, it was you and me. Navigating all of our adventures over the years while your dad (the best dog dad in the world- but of course you know that) drove us all around California, up to the San Juan Islands, across the country to Alabama, up to Maine, through Canada, all the way down the west coast, through Mexico and Central America. We even shared a seat on an airplane. Your first flight at the age of 15 to bring you home after your last grand adventure. An adventure we took because of you. We built a van for you. So we could take you along everywhere we went, because trips were always better with you than without. All told, we drove almost 40,000 miles together. On the road with our boy, Miles.

Each day I wake up, I look for you. And each day I have to remind myself that you’re no longer here. I’d give anything for one more snuggle. One more army crawl up to my arms. I’ll miss you forever my sweet boy. 

Quarantine naps in Boquete, Chiriqui, Panama

A pup and his van. Catskills, New York, USA

Canoeing in Sayward, Vancouver Island, British Colombia, Canada

First smells of the Pacific in 6 months. Tofino, Vancouver Island, British Colombia, Canada

2 day, 10 mile backpacking trip. Middle Velma, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

Some well deserved R&R in San Francisco, California, USA

The first home we lived in together- 280sqft. NOPA, San Francisco, California, USA (He had a cyst removed)

Old man starting to show his age during this 8 mile hike on the Pacific Crest Trail, Cascade Loop, Washington, USA

Engagement pictures at Chanslor Ranch, Bodega Bay, California, USA

Running errands in Boquete, Panama

Mid hike-post lunch family pic at Lake Annette, Banff, Alberta, Canada

All that hiking was worth it to get here. He LOVED swimming. Pacific Crest Trail, Cascade Loop, Washington, USA

Showing his dad some love at Redwoods National Park, Eureka, California, USA

This was a cold, wet 48 hours of hiking. He didn't care :) Lost Coast Trail, Lost Coast, California, USA

Engagement pictures at Chanslor Ranch, Bodega Bay, California, USA

A day hike on the Lost Coast Trail, Lost Coast, California, USA

Beginnings of our van build. Foley, Alabama, USA

Van Build Complete! Spanish Fort, Alabama, USA

Brandt's home. Narrowsburg, New York, USA

His subtle way of getting me to play. San Francisco, California, USA

He wasn't very happy about a video edit/blogging day. No fun for the pup.

It was a good day when this is how he fell asleep.

Always sharing the passenger seat.

South Mountain hike with Grandma! Phoenix, Arizona, USA

Miles' first Christmas in Phoenix, Arizona, USA

Glacier National Park, Washington, USA

Sneak attack kisses at Joshua Tree National Park, California, USA

ALWAYS licking the water off of us. Cerritos Beach, Baja California Sur, Mexico

All prepped for a backpacking trip! Shoes & his own pack :)

Hanging out in Abuelita Alicia's backyard in Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico.

He loved his pillow fort.

Sleepy Miles in our favorite spot to camp. Prewitt Ridge, California, USA

Sunday ball session at the USF greens right by our old apartment. San Francisco, California, USA

Making sure dad didn't drown in Lake Tahoe, California, USA

He jumped off this dock a few times for a stick :) Lago Petén Itzá, Guatemala

Our final family photo before setting off on our grand overlanding adventure. 

Mendocino, California, USA

Good boy waiting for a well deserved treat :) Desolation Wilderness, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

Desolation Wilderness, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

Wine tour in Sonoma! Pups in the back :) Sonoma, California, USA

Couldn't keep this pup out of the water at Laguna Bacalar, Quintana Roo, Mexico

Mid day hammock snuggles <3 Los Amates, Guatemala

Zach may be holding him in this pic and have had to carry him 50% of the way down, but this pup HIKED UP THIS HUGE VOLCANO! Hard to believe this was less than a year ago. Volcán de Fuego, Guatemala

Sweet moments with sweet Miles. Playa El Cuco, El Cuco, El Salvador

Our very last family photo. January 2020. Playa El Cuco, El Cuco, El Salvador

Our favorite campsite. Prewitt Ridge, California, USA

Patiently waiting to visit (in the AC!) with grandma and grandpa at their rented condo in Jaco, Puntarenas Province, Costa Rica

OK, so there is a theme- we were always holding him like a baby hahaha.

Morning chats in Buena Vista Park, San Francisco, California, USA

His very last long hike. 5 miles and he laid down in protest at mile 4, making us carry him for the last mile. But we didn't mind :) Boquete, Chiriqui, Panama

He was always happy swimming! Meeks Bay, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

So happy dad didn't drown. Meeks Bay, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

Pontoon Boat Day, 4th of July, 2018. Lake Tahoe, California, USA

Watching dad very carefully to make sure he didn't drown. Meeks Bay, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

The MOST handsome pup. Meeks Bay, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

Quarantine snuggles in Boquete, Chiriqui, Panama

Twinning! Boquete, Chiriqui, Panama

Wake up call/dad's face is my pillow. San Francisco, California, USA

Chillin' with his roomies! Casco Antigua, Panama City, Panama

Cabin Getaway, Yuba River, California, USA

Chillin in the AC in a sweet Airbnb. Casco Antigua, Panama City, Panama

Miles flies from Panama to Florida! Tocumen Airport, Panama City, Panama

Evening snuggles in our tiny studio. San Francisco, California, USA

Our very first van trip in March 2016. Miles had just turned 11. Yosemite, California, USA

Always in between us when he wasn't in my lap. Yosemite, California, USA

Our 2nd time meeting, watching Zach and Miles play in the surf. Point Reyes, California, USA

Our first trip together to Lake Tahoe, California, USA

Road trips = sleepy Miles. Death Valley, California, USA

Evening snuggles with the sweetest boy. San Francisco, California, USA

His way of begging. He ALMOST always got what he wanted, just not this time, cuz... chocolate.

Friday night pre-game/nap session. San Francisco, California, USA

He was READY for the park. Hellman Hollow was about 2.5 miles from our apartment and we took him once a week at least. His favorite place.

Van Build! He was very confused when I told him where he was standing would be our new kitchen. Foley, Alabama, USA

Really into Game of Thrones. And his snuggles with Zach. Spanish Fort, Alabama, USA

Being cute and begging strangers for some steak. (He got the goods). Prewitt Ridge, California, USA

Uncle Brandt was in town so of course they snuggled. San Francisco, California, USA

Quick stop at the beach on our way down to our favorite campsite. Monterey, California, USA 

Cute boy doing a big hike! 2 day, 10 mile backpacking trip. Pup had his pack and his shoes, hiking in style. Desolation Wilderness, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

One of my favorites of Zach and Miles <3

He was TIRED on a long wet hike on the Lost Coast Trail. Lost Coast, California, USA

The first picture of us! 2015. San Francisco, California, USA

Miles and his Uncle Joey <3 Spanish Fort, Alabama, USA

The day we finished the van. Miles was having a look around and was very confused :) Spanish Fort, Alabama, USA

The day we left on our trip! June 2019. Spanish Fort, Alabama, USA

Sweet pup in the van, hoping I was going to drop some food.

Breakfast with Miles

Miles has his own crate in the van. A space meant just for him. It feels empty now without him there.

Anytime Zach left the van, Miles hopped into the passenger seat to keep an eye out :)

Day trip down to Davenport Beach, California, USA

Zach and Miles on Leech Lake, Minnesota, USA

Silly pup wrapped himself around a tree and couldn't go anywhere. He was always OK though as long as he could see us :) Yosemite, California, USA

Our first van trip in an 82' Vanagon. Yosemite, California, USA

Auntie Allyson came and met us in Banff, Alberta, Canada last July!

Sleepy pup, all curled in his bed

The cutest boy. San Francisco, California, USA

That time he wedged himself through the tiniest hole under an In'n'Out bench to snag a lone french fry.

After a long day of swimming in natural hot springs and cold pools. Upper Arrow Lake, British Colombia, Canada

Zach and Miles playing at our favorite campsite. Prewitt Ridge, California, USA

Always keeping watch out the sliding door at camp. Kamloops, British Colombia, Canada

Morning views at our favorite campsite. Prewitt Ridge, California, USA

Handsome.

Joining Zach for a swim in Comox Lake, Vancouver Island, British Colombia, Canada

Teddy Bear Pup.

Family Portrait. Point Reyes, California, USA

Hanging with dad in the hammock. Redwood National Park, California, USA

He only climbed up on onto our bed while we were driving a handful of times. I think he loved being able to look out the windows.

Whale Watching! Orcas Island, Washington, USA

Hiking on Orcas Island, Washington, USA

Watching whales off the coast of Oregon. Depoe Bay, Oregon, USA

Miles and Zach and their coronas.

Beach day at Ocean Beach, San Francisco, California, USA

Playing at our favorite campsite. Prewitt Ridge, California, USA

He looks miserable here! With my cousins, Grayson & Garrett, and sister, Allyson. Phoenix, Arizona, USA

Camping at Chanslor Ranch, Bodega Bay, California, USA

After Miles found some horse poop to roll in & he had to be washed off in the lake... Chanslor Ranch, Bodega, Bay, California

Snuggling with Cat! Mendocino, California, USA

Always on my lap in the van. Narrowsburg, New York, USA

Beach day at Ocean Beach, San Francisco, California, USA

So regal. Meeks Bay, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

Park Day at Chrissy Field, San Francisco, California, USA

Sharing the passenger seat, always.

Camping at Chanslor Ranch, Bodega Bay, California, USA

Zach asking Miles if he wants to drive.

Engagement Photos. Drying him off after playing in the rain. Chanslor Ranch, Bodega Bay, California, USA

Quarantine Naps with Miles. Boquete, Chiriqui, Panama

Zach holding Miles at Secret Beach, Brookings, Oregon, USA

Our first night in Mexico. San Felipe, Baja California, Mexico

Water break. Boquete, Chiriqui, Panama

Always by my side. Laguna Bacalar, Quintana Roo, Mexico

Quarantine Family Photo with our Candian Fam! Boquete, Chiriqui, Panama

Zach and Miles whale watching in Oregon. Depoe Bay, Oregon, USA

Relaxing and whale watching in Oregon. Depoe Bay, Oregon, USA

Sleeping on the job. Narrowsburg, New York, USA

Pup trying to swim out and catch up. Baja California Sur, Mexico

Family Portrait. Glacier National Park, Washington, USA

Even when he couldn't come with us, he always was. Golden Gai, Tokyo, Japan

Morning misty hike on Zach and Miles' boys' trip. Joshua Tree National Park, California, USA

Eyeballing my lap, as per usual. Somewhere between California and Alabama right after we left our jobs.

Zach's favorite picture of Miles. Patiently waiting while packing up for camping. San Francisco, California, USA

Snuggle sesh on Leech Lake, Minnesota, USA

The van won't be the same without you buddy.

Nap King. Boquete, Panama, USA

NYE 2016. WILD NIGHT. San Francisco, California, USA

Swim Break. Secret Beach, Lake Tahoe, California, USA

I'll miss you climbing into my lap, sweet boy. Glacier National Park, Washington, USA